Letters from a Year Apart
by K100
Summary: This story is an epistolary. It is the email and letter correspondence between Goren and Eames during their year apart, after Loyalty and before Rispetto.
1. April

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**APRIL**

_From: _Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject: _Thank You

_Date:_ April 12, 2010

Eames,

If I did not mention it before, thank you for driving me to the airport and seeing me off.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: _Thank You

_Date:_ April 13, 2010

Goren,

You're welcome. I hope you had a good flight and made it safely.

I had my interview for that job we were talking about. I should get it. I'm over-qualified. It seems fine for the time being, and until something better comes along. Anyway, I put your name down as a reference—just in case you're contacted.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re:_ Thank You

_Date:_ April 14, 2010

Eames,

I am finally in England and settled in. It is hot, unseasonably, and there is no air conditioning in the hotel; apparently not a lot of older buildings have air conditioning. I don't seem to remember that the last time I was here. But that was a very long time ago.

Why would you put my name down? They might _not_ hire you for knowing me.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ Thank You

_Date:_ April 14, 2010

Using you as a reference is a chance I'm forced to take.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re_: Thank You

_Date:_ April 15, 2010

I am sorry this is the way things are. You should not be job-hunting at this point in your career.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ The 27 Called

_Date:_ April 20, 2010

Eames,

I got a call from the 27 at a horrible hour in the morning concerning your character and professionalism and leadership abilities . . . thanks a lot. Anyway, you will get the job. I gave them a glowing review about the kind of cop and person you are; I told the truth. It was just a formality, I'm sure; I could tell they have already made up their minds to hire you.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re:_ The 27 Called

_Date:_ April 20, 2010

Goren, thanks! I appreciate it. I really don't want to work, though, so I have to admit I'm slightly disappointed to get this job so easily. I'm having far more fun mowing my sister's lawn, picking my nieces and nephews up from school, helping with homework—and general laziness. But I know I need the job. . .

How are things in England? Do you have a stuffy accent yet? Have you started teaching or was that starting later?—I forget.

BTW: Don't apologize for the way things are. We've been over this. It is what it is. Maybe leaving MCS was for the best—the best for both of us. And I know you don't want me to apologize—again—for firing you.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: _The 27 Called

_Date: _April 21, 2010

I am sure the kids enjoy having you around, and I am also sure your sister likes having her lawn mowed. It does not sound like laziness to me. Maybe this job will not be as demanding as MCS. It is a local precinct, right? So that means you'll be investigating things differently. Lab tests will take longer to come back, evidence will be lost more often, and the ME reports will be backed up for months. There will be more headache, but I think you will find that you'll have more free time. Maybe this is for the best.

I start "teaching" the first week of May. I'm only a guest lecturer, so I do not know what will happen after this is over. But I kind of like the idea of being in a military community again; it's been a long time. Although, it's a bit strange to have to teach others the "process" of a criminal profiler. I'm not sure I was ever a profiler to begin with.

Goren

* * *

_From: _Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re: Re: _The 27 Called

_Date:_ April 24, 2010

You're the best profiler I know. Anyway, I hope you're spending this free time sightseeing. Don't just sit in your room going over lecture material… and reading emails. Get out and have fun.

—Alex

* * *

_From: _Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: _The 27 Called

_Date: _April 24, 2010

Going over lecture material and email is fun. But, you'll be happy to know that I visited the Tower of London earlier today. It was crowded.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ I Helped Deliver a Baby Today

_Date: _April 30, 2010

Goren, yesterday I got a call telling me I got the job, and today I started. That place is horribly understaffed and going through major personnel changes. When I got to work, the captain was in court and some detective—who I assume will be my new partner—shows me my desk and says that I can wait around for the captain. Well after a while, when the captain did not show up, I spent the day at the front desk helping people fill out forms, answering phones, and, get this, delivering a baby. No Joke.

This woman comes in yelling and screaming about her boyfriend who was just arrested (for something he didn't do, I'm sure) and of course I'm the closest to her so she starts screaming at me. I tell her to have a seat while I see where the boyfriend is, but I know he is in the holding cell. Anyway, I tell her calm down—because she is VERY pregnant—and suddenly she shuts up and sits down.

It all happened very quickly—she started screaming again, this time about the labor pains and not the boyfriend, and so I move her into an office and I help her deliver the baby.

That was a first for me. I've never delivered a baby before. It was by far the best first day of work I have ever had. I hope tomorrow is just as good.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: _ I helped Deliver a Baby Today

_Date:_ April 30, 2010

Eames… That is something else. It sounds like a memorable day. I'm sure you left a lot out of that story; you can tell me the rest some other time.

You know, I have never delivered a baby. Every New York cop does that at least once, right? I hope they at least named the baby after you. Alex is a kind of unisex name…

Have a great second day of work.

Goren


	2. May

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**MAY**

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ First Week of Classes

_Date:_ May 7, 2010

Did you have a good first week of classes?

That lady did not name her son after me—I'm hurt.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re:_ First Week of Classes

_Date:_ May 8, 2010

Eames, someone will name their kid after you, just be patient.

The first week of lecturing went fine. It is one of those intensive courses where multiple lecturers take portions of the five hour class, and I am always the last one. The students are tired and I don't think they're really listening by the time I get up there. But it's fine; I find it boring, too.

I'm trying to take your advice and enjoy London. I caught a show in the theater district—it was good.

How's the 27?

Goren

* * *

_From: _Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re:_ _Re:_ First Week of Classes

_Date: _May 8, 2010

Bobby,

Work is fine. Though nothing will live up to that first day. I have not had a case yet, but my partner and I went out and looked for a missing grandmother—she was not missing, just out with friends. Her family seemed to think that she could not possibly have friends—they were shocked she went out without telling them. It was kind of sad.

Other than that, we assisted in a murder case other detectives in the department were working on. So far, you are right, it is much slower. I think I like it.

Anyway, I'm sure your students are listening. If they aren't, stop lecturing from notes. Tell them about one of your cases. You have a lot of material there. The stories you could tell…

Get lost on the Tube?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re:_ _Re: Re:_ First Week of Classes

_Date: _May 8, 2010

I did get lost. Thanks for asking.

The stories we could tell, Eames…

* * *

_From: _Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re:_ First Week of Classes

_Date:_ May 9, 2010

I think it goes without saying, Goren, that there are stories I'd rather you didn't tell.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re:_ First Week of Classes

_Date:_ May 10, 2010

Of course. Those things will stay between us.

It's finally cooled down here. So much so that there is frost in the mornings. I'm very happy that short "heat wave" is over.

London is kind of mystical just as the sun comes up—with the light fog and crisp air. I'm close to Hyde Park, so I go for a walk every morning through the park. I when I was here years ago, I was in my mid 20's at the time, I didn't really like London. Of course, those weren't good years for the city, but I found it rather depressing and dark, but now it seems so different. Brighter, almost. But, it still smells like cigarettes and mildew.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ London

_Date:_ May 20, 2010

Bobby, I got a case finally. It's good to "work" again, but adapting is going to take time. My partner is different—or maybe he's normal—I can't tell yet. The building we're in is falling apart. It's no 1PP.

Did I ever tell you that I was in London once? After all these years of knowing you, it's hard to remember what you know about me and what you don't. So, if you've heard this story before, just skip the next part.

When I was in college, I went with some friends to London for spring break. It's not exactly the spring break capital of the world and I am not sure why we chose it, but we went for two weeks. It was great. It was the first time I had ever left the country. I spent every last dime on that trip and have never regretted it. I loved London. I remember we stayed in a small hotel near Hyde Park and the Bayswater Tube stop. I did every touristy thing I could think of—including visiting as many pubs as possible. I fell in love twice on the trip: first I fell in love with scones (very fattening but wonderful, I ate as many a possible), and then I fell in love with a man from Norway who was also staying in my hotel. I don't think I ever knew his name. I just worshiped him from afar.

It snowed on our last full day there. It was beautiful. We went to the park and played in the snow. Most of it melted by noon, but the way the city looked under snow is vastly different than the way New York looks in snow. New York is a hard city, and London, as I remember it, has a certain softness to it—maybe it's because London is so much older than New York.

One thing I distinctly remember was the way the city smelled—cigarettes and mildew might be a good description.

Until next time.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ London

_Date: _May 22, 2010

You did mention you'd been to London, but I had no idea about the scone love affair or the Norwegian. When were you there? I think was there March of '86. Maybe we were in London at the same time? I had a scone today.

It's understandable that you sometimes forget what I know and don't know about you. I feel the same way sometimes. You are mysterious, Eames. I'm sure there's a lot I don't know about you.

I took your advice and just gave a lecture on one of our cases; it seemed to go over better. The problem with this class is that the students are all working CID's; they don't think they need to sit through more training. I know this because I would feel the same way.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ London

_Date: _May 26, 2010

Well…I can't remember exactly when I was there. It was spring break, so it had to be March or April and I was an undergrad, so I may have been 20 or 21. I'll have to go look at a photo album at my parents' house to know for sure. My mom used to write a paragraph of information on the back of pictures and put them in chronological order in photo albums. To this day our photographs are very organized—you would appreciate her attention to detail.

… I think you know more about me than either of us realize. It's you who is the mystery.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ London

_Date:_ May 29, 2010

Ok Goren, it looks like I was in London from March 27 to April 8 1986. Maybe we were in London at the same time. What a coincidence…Maybe we ran into each other, or sat next to each other on the Tube.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_ London

_Date: _May 30, 2010

Yeah, I would have been there at that time. Serendipitous? Unfortunately, I'm sure I was not the Norwegian you fell in love with.

Do you have pictures from your trip? (I guess you do) I would like to see them some time. I never took photos when I was young and traveling. I wish I had. To tell you the truth, I have a camera with me now, but I don't think I've used it yet.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ London

_Date:_ May 30, 2010

Because you're not Norwegian, I don't think it was you. But he was a big guy…

You know, I'm sure your class is more attentive and interested in what you have to say than you think. You are very good at what you do, and they will see that. How much longer is this class? I thought it was temporary. But before you leave London, take pictures.

And be happy.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ London

_Date: _May 31, 2010

One more week for this class. After that, I may stay here for a while before I go back.

I'm not unhappy, Eames. I'm just not happy yet, but you know that. I may be a mystery to some people, but not to you.

Goren


	3. June

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**JUNE**

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: _London for a Little Longer

_Date: _June 2, 2010

Eames,

I was offered another two terms of lectures. I'm going to take it.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ London for a Little Longer

_Date: _June 3, 2010

Congratulations. They must have liked you enough to want to keep you around. So, I guess that means you'll be there all summer. Better find a place with air-conditioning.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re:_ London for a Little Longer

_Date:_ June 4, 2010

Yeah, I'm looking for a new place now. They only cover so much of the living cost, so I don't want to pay much more than I have to.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Paris

_Date:_ June 7, 2010

Eames,

I have about a week off between class sessions so I decided to travel outside of London. I am in Paris today, and I do not like it as much as I did the first time I was here: the city is full of graffiti and trash, and the major land marks—ones that were once old, cared for and majestic—now remind me of Las Vegas' answer to Paris. I do not know how long I will stay here, but maybe if I stay long enough it will grow on me.

But, I did not write to you just to complain, I am mailing myself some books I bought in a used book store. I was wondering if you could pick them up for me?

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Paris

_Date:_ June 7, 2010

Are you mailing it to your NY P.O. Box? How many books? How big are they? Will it be heavy?

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ Paris

_Date:_ June 7, 2010

Never mind.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ Paris

_Date:_ June 8, 2010

I'm joking, Goren. Just send it to my address so I don't have to pick it up.

Anyway, it's too bad Paris is not all that it claims to be. Give it time; maybe it's just your perception of it. I was in Paris for one day during my London trip. We got to Paris at 4 in the morning, and we were so tired (and slightly hung-over) that we ended up stumbling around the city until late that night. To be completely honest, I don't remember much of the city at all. All I can remember is getting back to London and wishing I had bought a little Eiffel Tower statue as a souvenir. Next time, I suppose.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ Paris

_Date:_ June 8, 2010

Eames,

Paris is growing on me. There are hidden treasures, little places that feel nice. I will not be able to stay here long, though. I will be back to England in a few days. It's a good thing because I need the job, but I wish I could wander aimlessly for weeks on end.

I sent the books to your place (thank you). I don't know how long it will take to get to you.

You haven't mentioned work lately. How's it going?

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Work

_Date: _June 11, 2010

Work is work. I don't know if there is much to tell.

We just got a murder case involving what looks to be bar fight gone bad. But, there seems to be more to it, and despite about 50 people in the bar, there are no witnesses.

The captain, who I've come to like, is indulging my theories for the time being. My partner, on the other hand, is happy to blame our only suspect and call it a day. I look at my partner and wonder if I was like him when I first became detective: scared to make a mistake and happy work endlessly on paperwork in the safety of the office.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Work

_Date:_ June 13, 2010

Eames, I don't think you were ever scared of anything. Is your partner a new detective? (Lucky you) But it sounds like you have a good boss.

I'm sure once you dig you'll find something big going on in that bar. With that many people not talking, it's going to be fun.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ Work

_Date:_ June 14, 2010

Bobby,

Yes, my partner, Mike Wolf, is shiny and new; he's been a detective for less than a year. I think he said he's 29, but he looks like he's 12. The captain said that despite moving through the ranks quickly, he is not making a good impression as a detective. But she has faith in him, so she partnered me with him to "show him the ropes." I'm not sure I really want to be a mentor. It makes my job a little harder. Not only do I have to worry about me, but I also have to keep track of him (come to think of it, it's kind of like working with you).

Yet, despite my unhappiness at being the "good example," I do not dislike mike. He's always in a good mood and so far he seems to be honest, kind and hard working. He's easy to be around. It's not horrible.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_ Work

_Date: _June 16, 2010

Eames, I am happy you have a good partner. He's lucky.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Happy Birthday

_Date:_ June 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Alex

I was going to send you an e-card with a song or something, but I knew you'd mock it. So all I have is a sincere: "wish you were here."

You should give me your partner's phone number so that I tell him that it is now his job to take you out for frozen yogurt. Have a great birthday day and treat yourself well.

I'm thinking of you.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Happy Birthday

_Date:_ June 21, 2010

Thank you, Bobby. You always remember. I had a nice day. I worked and then went to my parents' house for dinner. I must admit that not getting my frozen yogurt was a little disappointing, but your email helped ease the pain.

I wish I was there, too…

…thank you.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Your Books Have Arrived

_Date:_ June 29, 2010

Your books arrived, by the way. The box is not in good shape, but I'm sure your books are fine.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Your Books Have Arrived

_Date:_ June 29, 2010

Thanks Eames. I guess that means that you did not open the box? When you get a chance, open the box: there should be a bunch of books and a smaller box. That smaller box is what I need you to open and inspect.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ Your Books Have Arrived

_Date:_ June 30, 2010

At first I was thinking you were being difficult (open this box; then open that box), but I was pleasantly surprised.

I am touched by your birthday gift. I want you to know that I didn't tell you the Paris-trip-without-Eifel-Tower-souvenir story just to get you to buy me a little statue, but I am delighted by it. It's sitting on my mantle now. You are a good friend, Robert Goren.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_ Your Books Have Arrived

_Date:_ June 29, 2010

Eames, if I could somehow disassemble the real Eiffel Tower and rebuild it in front of your house, I would.


	4. July

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**JULY**

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 19, 2010

Hello Bobby.

A few days ago I ran into Peter Lyons. Do you remember him? We worked with him for at least one case. He's a NYPD sign language interpreter. We got to talking and he told me to tell you that you owe him some money… I didn't know you knew him well enough to owe him money.

I haven't heard from you in a few weeks. Hope you're well.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 21, 2010

Hello Eames. Yeah, I haven't heard from you either.

I do remember Peter. He was fixing up an old Mustang—we compared notes. I do owe him money. . . I lost a bet. Is he doing well? He was a nice guy.

Anyway, how are you? Are you still working on the bar fight case?

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Hello

_Date:_ July 22, 2010

I'm afraid to ask what the bet was over…

Peter seems to be doing well. He is a nice guy (maybe because he's not like a lot of cops I've known?). It's too bad we didn't work with him again.

I ran into Peter at a July 4th BBQ. My partner and his wife had party. I figured if I'm going to be working with Mike for a while—maybe even forever—I should get to know him. I was happy I went. There were some people at the party (Like Peter) who I had not seen in years, and I also got to talk to Mike's wife. We hit it off; she's funny. She's pregnant with their 2nd child. They seem like a happy little family. They're about the same age as Joe and I were when we got married. Kind of strange to think about.

In other news, yes, we are still working on the bar fight case. We "scared" a young woman into giving us a description of the murderer, but not a lot of luck otherwise. We are still waiting for forensics to get back to us. It is slow around here.

How are your classes? You should be well into your second session right? Did you find a more permanent place to live?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Hello

_Date:_ July 23, 2010

Eames:

I found a new place to stay. I'm renting and flat in London. It's a little more expensive than I would like and rather small, but more comfortable in the long run: I have a kitchen and a nice bed. When I was young I could sleep on couches for months on end, but not anymore.

My new class is going better, by the way. Sometimes I don't know what to lecture on. It's hard to think of the students as "students." Some of them have been working CID longer than I ever did and a few are older than me. What do you tell people who probably know as much as you do?

On the plus side, I ran into a guy I worked with while I was in the Army. He's still with CID. It's nice seeing a familiar face. It makes me wonder if I should have made a career out of the Army CID instead of the NYPD.

I'm happy things are working out for you at the 27. You deserve a decent place to work and few new friends.

I know this is kind of late, but happy Independence Day.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: _Hello

_Date:_ July 23, 2010

The 4th of July is my favorite holiday. It has always been—I'm not sure why. Joe especially loved the 4th—it always reminds me of him.

Do you have that accent yet? (I'll keep asking you that until you give me an answer.) It's good that you're settling in. I don't know what your "classes" are like, but I'm sure if you're telling them what you know and not what you think they should know about profiling, then you're doing a good job. I wouldn't consider myself a profiler by any means (ever), but working with you taught me more about detective work and human behavior than I could've ever learned from anyone else. With that said, I don't think you should doubt your career with the NYPD. You and I both know that I too doubt aspects of my own life, but in the end I know it's pointless. It might not be any consolation, but I benefited from you leaving CID.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 24, 2010

Eames,

Thank you for what you wrote. I'll try not to doubt aspects of my life—if you'll do the same.

Your partner (Mike, is it?) and his wife may have a great life and family—and they may have the life you wanted when you and Joe where their age—but they don't have everything.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: _Hello

_Date:_ July 24, 2010

Goren, I'm not sure what you intended to say in that last statement, but my time with Joe is not an aspect of my life that I regret—even though I didn't get the life with him I wanted.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: _Hello

_Date:_ July 25, 2010

Eames, I think you know me better than that.

Maybe what I am trying to say (no matter how poorly it comes across) is that this can be a great time in your life. Like we talked about before: maybe leaving MCS was good. Don't look back and don't compare. That's all I was trying to say.

(I was trying to give you the kind of sound advice you give me)

I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 26, 2010

Okay.

I really was not trying to compare my life to anyone else.

You and I both tend to give very good advice, but neither of us seems to take it very well.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 27, 2010

That's fair.

Can I tell you a story that you already know?

When you mentioned the 4th of July BBQ and Joe, it got me thinking about 2002. It was the first 4th after 9/11 and of course every cop was working that day. I remember that we were assigned to roam Central Park, and we walked the same path for hours. It was a tough day for the city, but there was such resilience and hope underneath it all. I had never experienced anything quite like it. I know we kind of talked about it later, but people seemed to be kind and helpful that day. There seemed to be a camaraderie that ran through the best of all of us.

Even though I knew about Joe's death, I didn't know the details until that day as we walked. When you told me the story, I felt bad for you, but I didn't know what to say or how to empathize. I've never been good at that. But it was the first time I felt like I could be your friend.

We watched the fireworks with everyone else, and it restored some of my faith in people, a faith I don't often have. For me it reconfirmed that there are wonderful people in the world—and those people don't deserve pain or heartache.

I guess what I wanted to tell you at the time is that _you_ are wonderful and _you_ don't deserve pain or heartache.

These things are only slightly easier to type into an email than to say in person, and they are long overdue. I know how difficult July is for you—with all the pain and heartache that this month reminds you of. I should have written to you on the 8th—or even called—to see how you were doing.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 29, 2010

Bobby, you don't need to feel bad for not calling. It's not your job to check up on me. But I have always appreciated your quiet compassion, especially around the anniversary.

Some years are easier than others. This year, I almost forgot. I was leaving for work when I remembered. How could I forget, even for a moment?

I did visit Joe's parents, though, and we went to his grave. I know their pain is worse than mine could ever be, but seeing them is always comforting for me. They're always so kind.

I remember spending that 4th of July with you. (We were young then, weren't we?) I didn't necessarily understand you when we first met (truth be told, I don't know if I'll ever understand you), but you have always had the uncanny ability to shock me by your warmth (and on less favorable occasions: your coldness). Despite that fact that you said almost nothing after I told you about Joe, I don't remember thinking that you needed to say anything. In fact, I was probably relieved you didn't.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 30, 2010

Eames,

You may have forgotten momentarily, but really, do you ever truly forget about him?

I'm sure that his parents are grateful that you have managed to stay in their lives.

Anyway Eames, later next month I'll be traveling around Europe. I probably won't take my computer with me. Just so you know.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ Hello

_Date:_ July 30, 2010

Be safe

Have fun


	5. August

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**AUGUST**

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ NYPD Call?

_Date:_ August 12, 2010

Eames,

I got a call from the NYPD. It was from MCS; they left a message telling me to call back. I have not called back, and I really don't want to either. I was just wondering if you got a similar call.

Goren

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ NYPD Call?

_Date:_ August 14, 2010

No, I did not get a call. It could be anything; I wouldn't worry. You should call them back though.

I thought you were backpacking through Europe; what happened?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ NYPD Call?

_Date:_ August 15, 2010

I actually leave here in a few hours. I'll be gone for two or three weeks—I have a little summer break before I start my last session of classes, and then I'm done here. I'll call MCS when I get back to London.

Have you seen Peter again?

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ NYPD Call?

_Date:_ August 15, 2010

After you're done, what's next?

And as far as Peter is concerned…I would lie to you, but that never works out well…

Yes, I have seen him a few times since the BBQ.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To: _Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ NYPD Call?

_Date:_ August 15, 2010

See if you can ask around about that call…please?

I'll talk to you in a few weeks—maybe around early September. (October 8th is the last day I'm contracted through. After that, who knows?)

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Happy Birthday

_Date:_ August 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Robert Goren!

I know that you are traveling and won't get this for a while, but let the record show that I did send you a birthday wish on the day of your 75th birthday… you are turning 75 right?

No matter how old you are, 75 or 49, I want you to know that you are still older than me.

I know you don't like cake, so please do not let anyone persuade you into eating any birthday cake today.

I know you don't like a lot of attention on your birthday, so I cancelled the sky writers but I kept the singing telegram. Expect it when you least expect it.

I know you don't like extravagant gifts, so I didn't buy you anything.

I know you could do without me listing everything I like about you, so I won't. I'll only think it.

Have a great day. Be happy.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ My Case

_Date:_ August 29, 2010

Goren,

Here again, I know you won't get this for a while, but I found out that your NYPD call came from the new MCS captain about an old case. I really don't think that's true because why wouldn't she call me? That's all I know for now. Maybe I'll call Nichols and see if he is any help.

Anyway, my bar fight case is coming along well. Labs came back and helped us make an arrest. But it was immediately turned over to the DA's office. They will continue the investigation. We don't have a lot to do anymore and we didn't get to interrogate the hell out of our suspect. That was always the most fun. Some other time, I suppose.

Sometimes when I look up from my desk, I fully expect to see you sitting across from me. It's always a disappointment.

Maybe that means I miss you?

Until next time,

Alex

* * *

Postcard

_From: _ Goren. _To:_ Eames. August 30, 2010

I really do wish you were here

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Postcard

_Date:_ August 30, 2010

I got a postcard from Italy today. There was not a single name on it, but I would recognize your lefty handwriting anywhere.

Maybe if you had only asked, I would be there.

—Alex


	6. September

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**SEPTEMBER**

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Happy Birthday

_Date:_ September 9, 2010

Thank you, Eames. I must have managed to miss the singing telegram—I can't say I'm too disappointed. But 75? Really? I think I'll have to let that go for now—or at least until I'm 75.

I was in Germany on my birthday. It's been a long time since I was last there. I enjoyed it, and I got to practice my German. I need a lot more practice to carry on a cohesive conversation.

I also went to Sweden, Norway and Ireland among other places for short visits—I should have spent more time there, it was not nearly as hot as it was in Italy and Spain. I hate the heat, but it's good being away. Traveling, no matter how good I am at it, always leaves me with the slightest feeling of uneasiness. The culture is different, the buildings, the accents, the money is all different. It leaves me feeling wonderfully uncomfortable. I can't really explain why I like that feeling so much. It makes me realize how solidified my daily life had become, and breaking away from that, and feeling like I have to be ultra aware all the time has been good for me—like a jolt.

I called MCS: it was about a case. It was one Bishop and I worked on. It was nothing.

In my birthday email, you listed all the things I don't like; I do have _likes_, you know. Honestly, do people see me as some angry guy who doesn't really like anything? You already said I can be cold… am I just a cold and angry man?

I'm glad you got the postcard. I bought it in a little souvenir shop in Rome. Even though it was a very small shop, it was wall to wall postcards—I think that's all they sold—there were hundreds. I bought about 15 of them; I use them for book markers sometimes. But the one I sent you was my favorite. I liked it because it was a rather simple photo of the ruins, and in black and white it seemed to amplify the contrast between something being both sturdy and fragile.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re: Re:_ Happy Birthday

_Date:_ September 12, 2010

Bobby,

I'm glad you had a safe trip. Did you take any pictures? You should send some to me.

I have to ask you an important question: why did you send me your favorite postcard? If I had a favorite, I would have kept it—does that make me a bad person?

Anyway… for a man who doesn't take change particularly well, I wouldn't necessarily expect that traveling would suit you. But we need change in our lives to feel alive. Even small changes—momentary jolts—make me feel like I am a tiny bit more than just a speck in time. I've never thought much about traveling, but when I hear other people's stories of seeing new places, I find myself wishing I had done more traveling when I had the time just out of college.

I don't think this is the first time you have asked me if I see you as an angry person. Sometimes I think you have anger and sometimes you hide it well, but you're not an angry person. Sometimes I think you can be distant and cold, but you're not a cold person. The funny thing is I think you knew the answer to this already. You know exactly how I see you.

Over the years, you and I have taken turns at being either sturdy or fragile.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: _(no subject)

_Date:_ September 13, 2010

Alex, when _I _am sturdy and when _I _am fragile, and when _you_ are sturdy and when _you_ are fragile, the thing that never wavers is how much I admire you. To me, you are far more than just a speck in time. And I sent you my favorite postcard because you are my favorite.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ (no subject)

_Date:_ September 13, 2010

I miss you, Bobby.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re:_ _Re:_ (no subject)

_Date:_ September 14, 2010

I don't want you to miss me. In small ways I've felt close to you in these past few months—maybe it's because I'm hiding behind the safety of the computer and the distance of an ocean—so why miss each other?

Besides, you sound like you have a great partner in Mike, a new friend in his wife and a companion in Peter. Take advantage of new relationships.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ (no subject)

_Date:_ September 16, 2010

I could make thousands of great friends and care for them all—but I would still miss you.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 23, 2010

Alex, if you could pick anywhere to go, where would it be?

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 25, 2010

I don't know…just one place? To tell you the truth, I would probably choose to drive across the country—from here to the Pacific Ocean. From what I hear, it is a beautiful country. I would stop at national parks and big cities and small towns.

When Joe and I were first married, he had this great Volvo wagon. It was heavy (safe) and full of character. I always wanted to take road trips, and we would sometimes take short ones. One time we were upstate and it was raining so hard that we couldn't see. So we pulled off the side of the road to wait it out. We ended up folding down the backseat and sleeping in the back until morning.

I guess my dream is to be a free spirit and go where road takes me. After Joe died I was always afraid to venture off alone on that kind of journey. Who would I share those memories with? I wanted to travel with my sister, but her kids are still young.

That car was the hardest thing for me to finally sell.

Maybe I should just take my nephew to Disneyland.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re:_ _Re: _Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 26, 2010

Disneyland? Really? You know that Disneyland is the epitome of the simulacra that is crippling society, right? Take him with you to a national park or something—something real.

I have never driven from one ocean to the other. It would be nice.

Why don't you take that road trip journey with me? I'll be back just as the leaves are changing, and we can rent a car go anywhere we want. If you can somehow take at least two weeks off work, we could drive to California without too much rush and then fly back.

I know I would love to do that with you. My one condition is that I get to drive at least 40% of the time.

I'm serious.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 26, 2010

I know I'll regret asking, but what's a simulacra?

How am I supposed to get two weeks of work? The only time I've ever done that was when I was pregnant. It's a nice offer, but I don't see how that would work.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: _Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 27, 2010

It was just a thought, Alex.

The Simulacra:

The French Philosopher Jean Baudrillard says that our society has replaced all reality with the hyperreal—things and images that only represent what we want out of reality. The human experience is a simulation of reality. Baudrillard actually used Disneyland as an example. The simulacra has gotten so bad that people desire hyperreal—things that are not real at all—over the reality of life. When people go to Disneyland they desire the hyperreal of Main Street U.S.A. over a real small town in the Midwest. It is to the point where we don't know the real from the simulacrum. It's interesting stuff.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: _Where do you want to go?

_Date:_ September 28, 2010

How about we take a trip together when we are retired? That's what retired people do.

We won't go to Disneyland—it sounds horrible.

—Alex


	7. October

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**OCTOBER**

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Taking Time off

_Date:_ October 5, 2010

Bobby, I asked Mike how easy it is to get extended time off around here, and he just smiled.

But, I am going to submit a request anyway.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Taking Time off

_Date:_ October 6, 2010

Are you sure? I know you don't like taking time off work, (and I don't think you're old enough to retire). Also, do your vacation days transfer over from MCS? Just think about it before you ask.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Taking Time off

_Date:_ October 6, 2010

Well, there are no promises yet. It may not even be approved. But it looks like my vacations days and sick leave have not changed because I am still a detective, I've only changed departments—it may have all carried over. We'll see what happens.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Fall in New York

_Date:_ October 15, 2010

How is New York this early fall? (Is October considered fall?) October is my favorite month of the year for the city—April is a close second. They are transitional months—there is a little optimism in that.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: _Fall in New York

_Date:_ October 16, 2010

Bobby,

Yesterday it was warm; a nice beginning to fall, but today it is freezing. It rained all night and now the sidewalks are slick and a cold wind is gusting down the long streets. Like you said, there is something exciting about a change in seasons, especially a change to winter. It's a harsh change that seems nearly dangerous, and it takes a while to get used to. Maybe it's a jolt?

Of course, because it was freezing I spent the day outside in a park: a murder, a homeless man. It defiantly puts a damper on the optimism of a changing season.

How's London this time of year?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: _Fall in New York

_Date:_ October 18, 2010

Alex,

London is damp. That's about all there is to tell. Mid 50's, overcast, and light and momentary bouts of precipitation. It doesn't have the thrill of bitter cold yet.

I'm done teaching, by the way. I have until the end of the year before my lease is up, but I'll probably be gone before then. That guy I mentioned before (I worked with him in CID years ago) told me he likes Manchester much better than London (I've never been there). He offered to show me around, so that's where I'll be for a few days. Then, I'll get some last minute continent traveling done before I head back to NY. Any suggestions on where I should go?

…Right now, I'm sitting in my tiny living room next to an open window. I'm on the fourth floor and it seems the perfect place to catch a wonderfully cool breeze coming from the north. The sun is almost down, and at the corner of the street there is a small string ensemble playing for patrons of a little restaurant. They are there once a week, and they will play well into the night, never repeating a piece. The music is lovely. I wonder if these musicians do this for a living or just a hobby. They could not possibly make enough playing one night a week to support themselves, let alone a family. Maybe this same group plays all over the city? If this music is a hobby for them—they might be doctors, janitors, policemen—then it must be the best hobby in the world. It's a hobby to throw your entire self into when other parts of life are not living up to expectations.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: _Fall in New York

_Date:_ October 18, 2010

We all need an escape. I have a cousin who sings opera, and she's an archeologist. (I think she's in North Dakota right now). But the thing I have always found interesting about her is that she will spend an entire day digging in the earth—braving the elements and the dust and the heat or cold—for just a small artifact. It seems frustrating. But then, she'll get cleaned up and put on the formal concert attire and sing beautiful music in Latin with choir of fifty. To me, these things seem so contradictory. One part of her life is rugged and how she makes her living, and the other is formal and how she keeps happy.

I feel rather boring in comparison. All I do is work. I don't think I have something to throw myself into when other parts of life are not living up to expectations.

But, if you are asking for a place to see, I suggest Prague. Have you ever been? I hear it's something else.

Please take pictures if you go.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 20, 2010

Bobby,

So, I finally talked to my captain about taking time off work to "visit family" on the west coast. She was not too happy that I'm already asking for extended time off, but she said that she has a very difficult time getting people to volunteer to work Thanksgiving, and the week of Christmas, mostly Christmas day, and that she hates forcing those shifts on people.

I told her I would work all day on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas day, if she would give me two weeks off. She agreed.

So, Robert Goren, I have to tell her soon the dates I want off. Any suggestions?

I'm serious. I want to do this. I'll go with or without you.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 21, 2010

That sounds great, but what about your family? I'm sure they will want to see you on Christmas, and I'm sure you'll want to see them. I just don't want you to regret this.

With that said, I think it sounds like fun.

It's been a long time since I've had something to look forward to.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_ Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 23, 2010

I'll miss being with my family on those days, but they're just days. I'll make the sacrifice. I want to do something—anything. I want to do this for myself. I never do anything for myself. Like I said, all I do is work.

What about January? I know it's not exactly prime road trip season, but it works for me. I could take the 1st through the 16th off. That would give us time to take our time.

Mike and his wife are from California—I knew there was something strange about them—and they were giving me tips about visiting. They drive back there every October to visit family (but not this year because she's just about ready to give birth). They have great stories and memories—and lots and lots of photographs—from every pilgrimage. It's sweet.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 25, 2010

That sounds great, Eames. If you remind me, we'll take pictures too. We're going to have to get creative with our route to California that time of year. We don't want a Donner Party situation.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 27, 2010

We won't be taking horse and buggy across the Sierra Nevada, so I think we'll be fine.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ October 30, 2010

I know it's none of my business, but are you involved with Peter?


	8. November

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**NOVEMBER**

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ November 1, 2010

I'm not sure why being involved or not involved with Peter is of any interest.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ November 2, 2010

Alex, I'm not trying to pick a fight. I ask about Peter because I want to know if our trip is going to be a problem. If you are seeing him, and if he treats you well, then I don't want to get between the two of you.

(Let's be honest, I've asked you far more intrusive questions)

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ November 3, 2010

You _have_ asked me more personal questions in the past. I've never liked it.

Yes, we see each other occasionally. But between our schedules, that doesn't amount to much time. It's not serious yet. It may never be. Let me worry about my relationship with him.

Robert Goren, are you involved with anyone?

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Road Trip?

_Date:_ November 4, 2010

Do you really need to ask?

I'll stay out of it. Sorry.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Falling Leaves and a Job Call

_Date:_ November 7, 2010

Bobby,

The leaves are changing and falling. The other day I was walking down a sidewalk and all that I could hear were the leaves crunching under my feet. It made me think of you.

You haven't mentioned your trip to Manchester, did you even go?

Also, I got a call from some security firm in Fort Worth, Texas. They were calling about you. Have you been applying for jobs?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: _Falling Leaves and a Job Call

_Date:_ November 9, 2010

Alex,

Yeah, I went to Manchester at the end of last month; I only spent a few days there. It was nice. Traveling is more exhausting now than I remember it being. I still like the jolt, but I find I need recovery time.

So, I've spent the last few days in my flat looking/applying for jobs. But the Fort Worth job is something I applied for months ago. I had a chat with them last month. I'd assumed I didn't get the job, but now I know they're just slow.

Why do crunching leaves remind you of me?

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: _Falling Leaves and a Job Call

_Date:_ November 11, 2010

It's hard to say, really, why a bunch of dead leaves on hard cement remind me of you, but there are a lot of things that are hard to explain. Maybe it's just because I've spent so much time walking next to you.

I was up late last night, so I did some research. I think it would be a good idea to have our trip follow a southern route. We might be able to avoid some of the most brutal of winter weather in the Midwest staying south. My one request is that we stop at the Grand Canyon. I don't know if you're into hiking (and I don't know if you can hike at that time of year), but it's a thought.

Do you have any demands for this trip?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Planning a Journey

_Date:_ November 13, 2010

Alex, I'll be completely honest, I don't really care what we do. Before that sounds like I'm indifferent, what I mean is that I would be happy for us to get lost and find something we didn't plan on seeing, to end up in a town not on our itinerary, to be content in each other's company.

The Grand Canyon sounds great. And it's in Arizona, where I'm sure we'll be fine hiking at any time of the year. There might be snow and parts of the park will be closed, but it won't be too crowed.

For our trip: We'll pack light. We'll rent a car. We'll take turns driving. We'll be okay with staying in motels off the highway. We'll sightsee. We'll get lost. We'll make it to a California beach and watch the sun go down over the ocean. In between all of this, we'll see what happens.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: _Planning a Journey

_Date:_ November 16, 2010

Do you think we'll make it to California without hating each other?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: _Planning a Journey

_Date:_ November 18, 2010

Probably not. We've spent a lot of time together in the past, but up until now it was not so much our choice to stay together as it was a professional decision. Now the choice is ours—it's a good thing, but I understand your concern…

…I've thought about calling you, but I haven't had the nerve. What if once we hear each other's voice there's nothing to say?

I guess as far as our relationship is concerned, we'll pack light, we'll take turns driving, we'll get lost, and in between all of this, we'll see what happens.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: _Planning a Journey

_Date:_ November 19, 2010

For the record, if I had thought about my professional life and career decisions, then I would have left you. It was always my choice to stay with you. Even now I believe in you. I hope you didn't stay partnered with me because you felt that you somehow had to. I don't know if I could take that.

If you call, Bobby, I will answer. Even in complete silence, I'd stay on the phone with you simply because I'd know you were on the other end.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: _Planning a Journey

_Date:_ November 21, 2010

Bobby, it was nice hearing your voice. It occurred to me after we got off the phone that we hadn't actually talked since our airport goodbye. It's been a long time: in some ways, forever, in other ways, just yesterday.

Thanks for the talk. (Call anytime)

With warm regards,

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Happy Thanksgiving

_Date:_ November 25, 2010

Hey Alex, I know you're working today, all day, but happy Thanksgiving.

I spent my Thanksgiving sleeping. I think I have the flu. Some terrible European germ has caught up to me and my plans for shipping home some of my stuff has been put on hold.

I am, however, getting a lot of reading done. And I'm making preliminary plans for our trip: possible places to see, stay, and pass through.

Don't work too hard.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Happy Thanksgiving

_Date:_ November 25, 2010

Bobby, I'm sorry you're sick. That's never fun. But I must admit I'm happy you're forced to sit around and make our plans. Do you have an English accent yet?

It was a slow day today, that's what I'm most thankful for this Thanksgiving. But I work tomorrow as well and I know it will be a long day—black Friday shoppers are always calling the police, that's what Mike says. Did I mention that Mike has a new daughter? Last week. Everyone is doing fine. I didn't know what I should get a partner with a new baby, but I remembered that you sent me a potted plant and a baby blanket. So, I sent Mike and his wife a potted plant and a baby blanket.

Get well soon,

Alex


	9. December

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**DECEMBER**

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Any Better?

_Date:_ December 1, 2010

Bobby, are you feeling better? I hope so.

I told my sister about our plans and she suggested we take a train some of the way. What do you think about that? It might give us a different view of the landscape.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Any Better?

_Date:_ December 2, 2010

I'm not sick anymore. Happy to be done with it. But I haven't been able to sleep. I feel like I've been awake for the past three days.

I told you I was looking for jobs, right? I have a few offers. The Fort Worth thing looks good, but it won't start until March, so I'm not sure about that. I recently applied with a few Police Departments outside of New York…we'll see if any if that goes through.

But as far as my lecturing career is concerned, I guess it went well. They asked me to sign on for a year contract. If I do, I'll end up traveling anywhere the Army needs me. That guy I told you about (the one I knew from my army days) said that there is a good possibility I could work as a case consultant periodically.

I haven't made up my mind, so I was wondering if you had any thoughts…

The train sounds good by the way.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Any Better?

_Date:_ December 2, 2010

Well…

If it were me, I would consider two things: what will make me happiest and how are my finances.

It may sound too practical for you, but if you are in need of money, than take what you can get and don't sign long contracts. Otherwise, wait it out and let the best thing find you. Also, did you ever try to petition with the NYPD? I told you that with my statement about being forced to fire you and a review committee looking over your case, you might get your badge back. I think it's worth a shot.

That might not be the response you're looking for, but for now it's all I've got.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Any Better?

_Date:_ December 2, 2010

I have all the paperwork filled out to petition, but I have not sent it in. I don't know if I want to go back.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Joseph Hannah

_Date:_ December 6, 2010

I met a Joseph Hannah the other day. I was at 1PP trying to convince Rodgers to move our ME report to the front of the line (which she did, sort of) and Joseph stopped me to ask how you were. I'm not sure how he knew who I was, but he was nice and I'm sure he'd like to hear from you. He said his phone number hasn't changed.

Made any decisions yet?

Still not sleeping?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Your Practical Advice

_Date:_ December 7, 2010

No, I'm not sleeping. I haven't heard from Hannah in years. I always thought if one of us was going to be fired, it wouldn't be me. I guess things change.

I have good news and bad news:

The good news: I took your good and practical advice and realized that all I need right now is a job. I'm going to lecture more, but as you so wisely advised I only signed on for four months and not the year. It won't necessarily be limited to classroom work or CID or even one location. I might be going to military academies. I'll get the details later. I hope I can consult—that's what I really want out of this.

The bad news is that I will be staying in Europe until April. I start back up again on January 10th. That will cut into our trip. I really tried to avoid this, but I don't have a lot of choices right now. We can still have our road trip, but it will be abbreviated to just one week. I'm sorry. Maybe we'll just take a train the entire way.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Your Practical Advice

_Date:_ December 8, 2010

Don't worry about it. I'm happy you made a decision.

So if we start our trip on the 1st and get back to New York on the 7th or even 8th, then we'll have a few days?

Maybe we'll save California for another time. I don't want to rush through the places we do have time to see.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Your Practical Advice

_Date:_ December 9, 2010

Alex,

I don't want to rush through anything either, but you wanted to drive across the country. That's why you took those two weeks off, and that's why you're working holidays that you should be spending with family.

I'm sorry that I messed this up.

Alex, I think you should go without me.

You're always putting others before yourself. I know that I have taken advantage of that in the past, and you have forgiven me more times than I've earned. I wish I was more like you: Kind, giving, honest, confident. You give all those things to other people. This is a chance to do something for you.

Hear me out: traveling alone is a great experience. I know that you said you wanted someone to share the memories with, but there is something to be said for the solitary traveler. If ever you wanted to do something for yourself, maybe traveling alone would be better than with company.

I'm not backing out of our road trip, but going it alone is something to consider—especially since I don't have enough time to devote to this. Whatever you decide, do it for you.

Sincerely,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ Your Practical Advice

_Date:_ December 14, 2010

Bobby, I do want to go with you. You're the reason for all of this. I'll admit that I'm disappointed by the turn of events, but I'm not disappointed by you.

I was talking with my sister about our dilemma and my nephew said I should take him. I think he was joking, but I liked the idea. He and I are close, but in the last few years I haven't seen him as much as I would like. I know I've told you this before, but there is something special between us and I don't want that to fade as he gets older.

He'll still be out of school for those two weeks and my sister thinks it's a good idea that I take him with me. Best of all he's all for it.

His birthday was November 21—I didn't see him on his birthday because I was working and only had time to send him a card—so it can double as a better birthday gift and a Christmas gift. (I've never told anyone this, but I feel like November 21 is my birthday too. I did give birth to him, after all.)

If it's okay with you, I want to do this with him.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re:_ Your Practical Advice

_Date:_ December 15, 2010

Alex,

I'm relieved that you're still going to do this. I'm sure he'll have the time of his life. You both will.

You and I will figure something else out.

When I was a kid and we would go to my cousins' birthday parties, I remember that my mom would wish the mother of the birthday kid a happy birthday. I never understood and no one else seemed to get it. Everyone would my mom funny looks. She used to say that the mother was the one who did all the work when the child was born—and the mother remembers that day, not the kid—so the mother is the one who should be getting gifts and congratulations.

I think it's just fine, and rather endearing, for you to feel likes it's your birthday too. It's extremely logical if you think about it. I'm surprised it hasn't caught on.

Until next time,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Do I Have to Wait Until Christmas?

_Date:_ December 22, 2010

Bobby,

I got a large (and heavy) package in the mail today. Can I open it? Or do I have to wait?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Do I Have to Wait Until Christmas?

_Date:_ December 22, 2010

Alex, you can open it whenever you want.

I got a package from you in the mail a few days ago. I guess you beat me to it. I'll wait until Christmas to open mine.

I wish I was in New York right now. I am getting sick of being away. It might just be a symptom of age, but I just want to be home. The funny thing about it is that I never considered the fact that I might get homesick, but here I am—homesick. Even funnier is the fact that I do not really have much to be homesick over. I have no family or major ties to "home," but home is where I want to be.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Do I Have to Wait Until Christmas?

_Date:_ December 22, 2010

Well, Bobby, I opened the shipping box with the intention of receiving my gift, but once I saw that the gift was meticulously wrapped and decorated with simple red paper and green bows, I decided to put it under my tree and look at it for a few days. (It really is a big box. . .)

New York has been your home for your entire life, why is it so strange that you miss it? You may miss home, but I know that home misses you more.

Wish you were here.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas, Robert Goren. Because I'm working on Christmas Day and the time difference between us confuses me, I thought I'd send you a Christmas wish now.

I don't know what you're planning on doing for the holiday, but I want you to be happy. Do something you enjoy and take pleasure in the little things.

I'm always thinking of you.

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 24, 2010

Alex,

I check my emails once a day, maybe more, and I wait for your words, your friendship.

I miss you more with every day. Merry Christmas.

Yours,

Bobby

* * *

Handwritten Letter

_From_: Eames. _To:_ Goren. December 25, 2010

Dear Robert,

When I was shopping for your Christmas gift, I realized that I've never done this before. We've never exchanged gifts and I've never felt we needed to. But with you across an ocean, I was compelled to send you something.

When I picked up your mail, I noticed that your subscription of Smithsonian magazine was about to expire. (Yes, I did a very bad thing and opened your mail.) But I renewed the subscription for 2 years, so that should make up for the offense.

The seashell, though, is the gift I want to explain. You may not remember this, but on one of our cases years ago—during a particularly difficult time in our partnership—we were on the beach looking over a dead body or something, and as we were walking back to the car you slipped this seashell into my pocket. You were very good at it too. I only noticed the shell in my pocket that night when I was taking off my clothes. I recalled that when we were trudging along in the sand you stumbled a little and brushed up against me. I assumed that that was when you were able to drop it in my pocket without me noticing.

I never asked you about it, and you never said anything, but that didn't matter. You're the only person I've ever know who could make anything okay with such a small gesture.

The seashell has sat on my nightstand ever since. I've seen it every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake. Sometimes when I couldn't sleep I would hold it and run my fingers along the smooth sides and the chipped edge. It certainly isn't a perfect seashell, but given all it probably went through before it got to my pocket, it must be strong.

To slow my racing thoughts at night, I would imagine that shell's journey. It may sound crazy, but it helped me sleep. I hope it helps you sleep.

Faithfully,

Alexandra

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Dear Alex,

I'm still having trouble sleeping. Just as it struck midnight—officially Christmas Day—I found the gift you sent me and opened it. I read your letter over and over again. I traced my fingers along the smooth edges and the chipped edge of the shell. I eventually fell asleep. Your sensitivity and thoughtfulness never ceases to catch me off guard.

I don't think you have any idea of the effect you have on me.

It is a beautiful gift. Thank you.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

I'm glad you like it.

I haven't opened my gift yet, but I will. I get off work in a few hours.

—Alex

* * *

Handwritten Letter

_From_: Goren. _To:_ Eames. December 25, 2010

Dear Alex,

Merry Christmas. If you opened the box from the top and not the bottom, as I know you have a tendency to do, then this letter should be at the top and the first thing you read. If that is the case, then we are off to a good start. Please follow my instructions carefully:

On the very top there should be a notebook. Inside is the itinerary I started for the trip. There are maps marked with the best routes, and I printed out "facts" about the places we would be going through. For instance, as we would exit Arizona and enter the California Mojave Desert, I was going to impress you by my knowledge of the Joshua tree. I thought you and the nephew could use it.

Next, there is a Manchester United t-shirt in there somewhere. When I was in Manchester it rained and my other shirt was wet, so I bought this to change in to. But when I got back to London and washed it, it shrunk. I know it will be far too big on you, but it is too small for me. It's clean. It's just been sitting in a drawer with my other clothes. Wrapped inside the shirt is a Manchester United keychain. I think you mentioned that your nephew loves soccer, so I thought he might like something from "the world's most popular football team."

In a long, slender box there is a Spanish fan. I think every woman in Spain has at least one on them at all times during the summer. They must work, and they are quite beautiful.

Now find a square and slender jewelry box. I don't know if I ever mentioned the few days I spent in Prague, but your suggestion was spot on. Prague is one of my favorite places so far. The earrings are made of Czech garnets—I was told they are also called Bohemian garnets—and the deep red is characteristic of what has been mined out of the Czech Republic for quite some time.

When I was in Sweden, I really thought that the perfect gift would be a Volvo. But the shipping costs were a little much and I didn't know what color interior you would like most. (I did visit the Volvo crash test center and it is remarkable—but maybe not as remarkable as the world's largest IKEA. The Swedes are innovative people.) The greatest thing, however, to ever come out of Sweden will always be ABBA. That ABBA coffee mug and that ABBA poster and that ABBA stationary is all yours.

Somewhere in there you should see a mass of bubble wrap. If everything goes well, then the bottle of wine inside should be intact. I bought it in Italy. It wasn't the most expensive wine I could have come away with, but when I tried it, I loved it—more than that, I thought you would enjoy it.

Lastly, I want to wish you happiness. You deserve a life of contentment and joy. If ever I can help you with that, I'll be there. You have given more moments of happiness than I could ever repay.

With all of my heart and good wishes,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To: _Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Dear Bobby,

When I got home and saw the box, I suddenly perked up at the thought of your kindness. You'll be happy to know that I opened the box from the top and unpacked it with great care—the kind of care I'm sure you put into it packing it.

Every little gift and story reminded me of the wonderful person you are. You're like jazz music. The first time you hear a new piece of jazz, it can be difficult to listen to, or harsh and unnerving, but if you give it a chance, with each new listen you learn something new about it—the things that were once difficult become beautiful and better with each listen. Jazz is not instantly gratifying like pop music, but it is rewarding and everlasting.

I think you underestimate how profound your friendship and partnership has been on me. Who would I be without you?

Maybe because it's Christmas, or maybe it's because of your wonderful gift, or maybe it's because I can say this in the comfort of a computer screen, but I want you to know that I wish I was with you now; I wish that in some form we were still partners; I wish our trip had worked out.

Thank you for the wonderful package of treasures. I'll save the wine for when you return. We'll open it together.

Always,

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Dear Alex,

I wish I was with you right now. I wish I could have hand delivered your Christmas gift and sat next to you while you opened it. I know I mentioned a few weeks ago how I missed home—New York, my own apartment, my own bed—but I really think I could live without all of those things and never miss them again if you were with me.

If you were here in London, with me, I'd make us dinner. We'd talk like we did in the best of times. Eventually, we would move the coffee table, and even though it's cold outside, we'd open the windows, turn off the lights and dance to the string ensemble that plays in the courtyard of the corner bistro. We'd be close and loving—all smiles and trepidation.

Maybe, if things go well, you'd let me kiss the tops of your bare shoulders.

Yours Truly,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Dear Bobby,

If I let you kiss my shoulders—and why they're bare, I can only imagine—then certainly things _would_ be going well. I'm sure that the dinner would have softened me. But dancing in the living room would have been the way to my heart. To quietly hold each other as if we had held each other for the last decade—that would be wonderful. It would only be so long before I kissed you.

With Affection,

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

My Dear Alex,

If you kissed me, there would be no turning back. It would be agonizing to do so. Certainly it would be a slow journey, as ours has been, but not a wasted one. We would be cautious and tender and eventually—probably well after the ensemble stopped playing—I'd watch you unbutton my clothes before I helped you out of yours.

Yours truly,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Dearest Bobby,

If we made it that far without second thoughts, I'd be surprised. But if we were together right now, all logic would be gratefully lost by the time we pulled down the sheets to your bed. We would appreciate every kiss, every touch, and every look, because we would know that we deserved this. We deserved a first time together. It wouldn't be exactly what we had imagined it would be, but it would be what we needed, what we wanted. It would have been worth the wait.

Love,

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Lovely Alex,

After—I would try not to fall asleep before you. I would want to tell you that I love you and that I have always loved you. But I wouldn't say anything. Somehow, though, I would believe that deep down you already knew, and that you've always known.

Love,

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Bobby,

With the sheets pulled to our chins, I'd sleep next to you—as close as possible—and when I was sure you were asleep, I would slip my hand into yours and let you keep me warm. I would cherish your love and affection.

Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

Alex, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that we're not together tonight.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _Merry Christmas

_Date:_ December 25, 2010

I guess we'll never know.


	10. January

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**JANUARY**

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ Have Fun

_Date:_ January 1, 2011

Hi. You may have already left, but if not I want to wish you both a safe journey.

Have fun, kids.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ Have Fun

_Date:_ January 1, 2011

We leave in a few hours.

I gave him the Manchester United keychain. He loved it. He asked me to thank you—such a polite kid. He certainly doesn't get that from me.

Happy 2011. This will be a good year, I can feel it.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 1, 2011

Right, Happy New Year. I'm glad he liked it.

I'm happy you're still going through with this, but I'll admit that I'm kicking myself for not being with you now.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 1, 2011

Don't kick yourself; just make it up to me sometime.

Well, we're off!

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 3, 2011

How do I make it up to you?

This is a serious question. I'm not trying to be cute or an idiot.

How do I make you happy?

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ A Storm

_Date:_ January 8, 2011

I told myself that I would stay away from things like the internet and emails and so on, but I thought you would like to know that we have been using your maps and suggested destinations. We've had a great time so far.

It's about midnight here in southeastern Texas, but I am not sure what city exactly. We made an unscheduled stop because of a torrential shower that has not eased. The rain was pounding so hard that we couldn't even hear the TV—it was irritating. But now that he is asleep and the TV is off, the pounding rain is a comforting white noise.

I took the Manchester United shirt with me. I wear it to bed. It smells like you. It must have sat in your draw with your other clothes for a while. I'm now starting to think that out of everything that was in the box, this shirt is my favorite. I always enjoy practical gifts.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: _A Storm

_Date:_ January 10, 2011

Alex, it's good to hear from you. I'm pleased that you're both having a good time.

I love a good rainstorm when I'm not out in it. When I was a kid I used to love the way everything looked after it rained—trees looked happier, and the sky looked brighter—now I know that in essence those things are true and not just my perception, but I can't remember the last time I noticed the way things look after a good rainfall.

…Just when I'm about to apologize for being so forward in our recent emails, dismiss them as the strange things that are said when there is no pressure or expectation of it becoming true and hope that you'll see them as a silly way to pass the time on a lonely Christmas Day, you tell me that you're wearing my old shirt to bed…

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: _A Storm

_Date:_ January 10, 2011

Eventually we'll see each other again.

What will become of us?

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re: Re: Re: _A Storm

_Date:_ January 10, 2011

What has become of us?

* * *

Postcard

_From:_ Eames. _To:_ Goren. January 12, 2011

Wish you were here.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ A Different Ocean

_Date:_ January 13, 2011

Bobby,

Today we made it to the Pacific Ocean. The thing that is so striking about the Pacific is that it looks so different from the Atlantic. It never occurred to me that two massive bodies of water could look different. It's just water. Right? Why?

I can't really pinpoint what it is that makes them look different, but in a few days we have a longish flight back home to think about it.

My nephew says hi. Have you two ever met? He doesn't think so.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ A Different Ocean

_Date:_ January 13, 2011

What beach were you at? But the real question is what ocean do you like better? This should be one of those standard get-to-know-you questions—right after 'what do you do for a living?'

The only time I've ever seen him was when he was just learning to walk—I doubt he remembers. Thanks for the Grand Canyon postcard. It's on my refrigerator.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _A Different Ocean

_Date:_ January 14, 2011

Well, Robert Goren, I really shouldn't be playing favorites with oceans, but if I was forced to choose, I would say the Pacific. Understand that the Atlantic is a sentimental favorite, some of my fondest memories involve it, but overall this ocean wins my vote.

Just a few hours ago, the boy and I sat on the sand and watched the sun go down over the water (we did this yesterday as well). Something that he pointed out was how loud it is. He's right; the Pacific seems thunderous. It could just be the beaches we've visited (Santa Monica, Huntington and now New Port), or that it's winter, but this ocean seems so much louder. Also, being a night person, I enjoyed watching the sun go down over the water. It's rather remarkable.

How are you doing so far away?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _A Different Ocean

_Date:_ January 15, 2011

I'm fine.

You like the Pacific better? I don't know if we can be friends anymore. To be fair, I don't like the beach to begin with, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Although the seashell you gave me—that I once gave you—is the one rare and wonderful thing a person can find at the beach. Unless of course you are on the beach.

You may already be in the air, or even back home when you get this, but have a safe flight.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ Home

_Date:_ January 16, 2011

Hey there. We're home and safe and tired and happy. I'll talk to you later—after I sleep for several days. Maybe it's too early to tell, but I think those were the two best weeks of my life.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ A Favor

_Date:_ January 20, 2011

Alex,

When you get a chance, and it doesn't have to be anytime soon, could you go to my apartment and sitting on the top of my desk is the paperwork to petition with the NYPD. I think I want my job back. The paperwork is filled out and singed; I just need you to turn it in.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ A Favor

_Date:_ January 21, 2011

That's good news.

I'll do it tomorrow.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ A Favor

_Date:_ January 22, 2011

I turned in the paperwork. I guess we'll just wait and see.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re:_ A Favor

_Date:_ January 23, 2011

Thank you. I hope to be home soon.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 27, 2011

I know that this response is a little late, but for the past few weeks I have been trying to find an appropriate answer.

For a long time—years and years—I've wondered what makes me happy, and sometimes not a lot does. But then the question of what _you_ can do to make me happy is entirely different.

I am happiest when you are happiest.

The independent side of me screams that I should not base my emotions on some else, but the reasonable side of me knows that it's not so bad. If you, Robert Goren, work on being happy with yourself, with your life, and work on being happy just to be happy, then I will be happy as well.

Chocolate also makes me happy.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 28, 2011

I will work on myself. I won't do it for you; I'll do it for me. You'll just be a bonus.

Lately, I'm a little unsure how to feel about us—if that makes any sense.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_ _Re: _Have Fun

_Date:_ January 28, 2011

It makes sense.


	11. February

**Letters from a Year Apart**

**FEBRUARY**

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ It's been awhile

_Date:_ February 13, 2011

Alex,

It feels like months since we last talked. I didn't forget about you, I was just a little busy. I hope you'll understand.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ It's been awhile

_Date:_ February 13, 2011

It has felt like a long time. I understand; I've been busy, too.

Maybe I should have asked you this already, but now that you've decided to try for your badge, I want to know why. I'm happy you want your job back, but why didn't you try this a year ago when it all first happened? Why now?

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _It's been awhile

_Date:_ February 13, 2011

That's not an easy question to answer. Even while we were still at MCS in those last years, I missed what that job once was. (does that make sense?)

Maybe I'm just optimistic now; maybe I think I can recapture the glory days.

I don't know.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _It's been awhile

_Date:_ February 15, 2011

Okay. That was a non-answer, but I'll ignore it for now.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ …Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

Hi,

What are you up to?

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ …Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

What am I up to? OK...I'm babysitting my brother's kids. They're asleep on the couch for the time being. I'll miss this when they grow up.

What are you doing?

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

Nothing; just wishing I was within walking distance of you.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

It's raining here—a downpour—even if you were within walking distance. This storm is not for the faint of heart. Besides, I don't know if I'd let you in.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

Alex, my heart is strong, and you'd let me in.

Besides, who said I want to sit next to you in your warm house just to talk? I spent years in New York and rarely did we ever spend recreational time together, why would we start now?

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 17, 2011

Why would we start now?

So, today, Mike and I were put on a case for a murder of a mother of 3. It looks like a robbery gone bad. There doesn't seem to be an underlying story. It's just senseless. I've decided I hate these cases more than anything else. At least when it's a planned murder there is something more than just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. She might still alive if she had just gotten to the market 15 minutes later.

Mike and I had to tell her kids what happened just before they were taken into child services. There's no father (he's dead, too) or any other family for them.

Mike—as I think I've mentioned—is such a nice man. He was so kind to the kids and knew what to say. Mike isn't a good a detective yet, but today he astounded me. For being so young, he's wise beyond his years. He sobbed as I drove us back to the station. He has young kids of his own.

I wanted to hug him.

—Alex

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 18, 2011

You should have hugged him. He probably would have appreciated the sentiment.

Bobby

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ _Re: Re:_ _Re: Re: Re: Re: _…Hey…

_Date:_ February 18, 2011

Maybe I was just afraid it wasn't my place to comfort him.

* * *

_From:_ Robert Goren

_To:_ Alexandra Eames

_Subject:_ NYPD

_Date:_ February 21, 2011

Alex,

I know I have not mentioned it yet, but I have been in contact with the NYPD about my reinstatement. I had several phone interviews, and one was with Joseph Hannah. Remember when you ran into him? I called him after that and he asked me if I wanted to return to MCS. Initially, I said no, but he said if I submitted the paperwork he had enough clout to get me back.

That is the real reason why I turned in my petition now. For the most part, Hannah lived up to his word and got me a deal: only…I can return with mandatory shrink sessions—psychiatric evaluations. Basically, as long as I don't go crazy, I can work.

I've given it thought, and I don't want to work under those conditions. I'm sick of being labeled and questioned and the source of scrutiny.

I was hopeful for a short time…

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ NYPD

_Date:_ February 21, 2011

So that's it? You're just going to give up the best chance you'll ever have for getting your badge back?

Since we're making confessions, that day I saw Hannah, he asked me if there was any chance of you returning; he asked me how to get you back. I told him to just talk to you. I knew he would convince you.

You're making a mistake, Goren. Who the hell cares if you have to see a shrink a few times? It's free! Other people pay a lot of money to talk to someone. It is such a minor inconvenience for what you'll get back. Maybe, you'll even like it or learn something.

I have watched you spend the last decade analyzing other people—including me—and pretending that you know everyone and their weaknesses and their faults and their introspective blindness… either you refuse to see your own need for help or you just think you're a lost cause.

Stop making excuses.

* * *

_From:_ Alexandra Eames

_To:_ Robert Goren

_Subject:_ _Re:_ NYPD

_Date:_ February 28, 2011

I don't think you're a lost cause, Bobby. I'm sorry I said that.

Please don't ignore me.

Sincerely,

Alex


End file.
